True story: A few years back I was working with a client who
had recently moved to Los Angeles. She was single, did not
know many people in the big city, and felt a little lonely.
I innocently suggested she give online dating a shot. It seemed
like an easy and pressure-free way to meet people, and I had
other clients who enjoyed their experience and were in good
relationships as a result.
"What kind of desperate person do you think I am?!?" she snapped.
She apologized, but explained that she felt "weird" about online
dating. This perked my curiosity, so later I asked some of my
other clients if they ever tried it. Some only confessed after
their faces turned three shades of crimson. Since I am a strong
proponent of online dating, I dispel any stigma or embarrassment
when I recommend it to my clients. This is what I tell them:
For many singles, life moves like Richard Petty around the
Talladega Speedway. We change jobs every few years. We
relocate more frequently. We cannot remember the last time we
answered a phone with a cord. Even if time is not the issue,
some single people cannot shake the feeling that everyone else
is happy while they are always alone. We may look at online
dating as an act of desperation, because "normal people don't
need something like that."
The simple fact is that you are not weird if you use an online
dating service. We only feel weird when we think we are doing
something outside the norm. Consider this: over 40 million
people in the US access online dating websites every month. It
is the fastest growing sector of online content. There is no
reason to feel embarrassed, because if you date online you are
actually part of a huge group.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to find someone special, or
at the very least make some new friends, so why not use every
resource available to you? You do not get extra points for
meeting someone in a bar or while waiting for dry socks at the
Laundromat. Does it matter to you how you met the important
people already in your life? You probably barely even think
about it.
By setting up a personal profile and a list of likes and
dislikes, you invest time in yourself. More importantly, you
are taking action by trying to improve yourself and your
situation. You are putting yourself out there and taking
control by refusing to be lonely and isolated.
I have found many advantages to the Internet. The anonymity of
online dating allows you to roll out of bed, hair standing in
ten different directions, breath smelling like Boston Harbor at
low tide - then click! You stumble on a person you will be
dating in a few weeks. The cost compared to going out and
searching is next to nothing. You can learn more about a person's
interests to see if they mesh with yours. You do not have to
deal with the harshness of rejection in person. You have a huge
pool of people to explore (remember, 40 million!) from all
walks-of-life, people you would never have the chance to meet
within your neighborhood or small circle of friends.
There is also fraud and deception. You will probably come
across a photo that looks eerily like Pamela Anderson - right
down to the copyright in the lower corner. Clients tell me
about married people posing as single. Nevertheless, these
issues of honesty exist both on and off-line, so do not let
that stop you from finding the partner you want.
With 43% of the U.S. population being single and with so many
single clients asking me about Internet dating, I began to put a
guide together to help my clients use this service effectively
and safely and avoid these pitfalls. I want everyone to find
the happiness they deserve and want to make this Tool book
available to everyone for Free! To get your free E-Book, "Tools
To Internet Dating" go to TheRelationshipTools.com and get your copy today.
Don't be ashamed or afraid, learn the best and safest way to use
the Internet to take control of your life and find the person
you deserve!
Resource Box:
Devlyn Steele ("America's Leading Life-Coach") has been a
public consultant and a private counselor for over 15 years.
A Cognitive Therapist, Radio host and Columnist, Devlyn also
developed ToolsToLife.com. Devlyn maintains a thriving
practice in Hollywood, where he counsels famous actors, musicians
and captains of industry. Soon his new book will be available,
Relationship Tools. You can hear Coach Steele live every Tuesday on LoveBeat Radio 1310 KXAM.com 7-9 PM. Arizona Time.
Just me,
